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http://tiniestshorts.tumblr.com/post/86252392698/bread-knife tiniestshorts

lukehemmign:

whitebeltwriter:

dual-destininies:

derples:

dual-destininies:

tf2-fandomstuck:

tiniestshorts:

Bread knife

The french have grown more powerful. 

Hold it!

Look more closely at these photographs, Your Honor.

Notice anything strange about the bread?

I didn’t either. That’s because…

…no cuts were made there in the first place!

The witness forged the photographs to make it look like they had an actual bread knife, when they actually did not!

How, you ask? Look to the second photo.

While it is quite obvious that the knife is penetrating the top half of the breadstick, I’m not sure about the bottom half.

Looks pretty flat, doesn’t it?

The angle of the photo makes it look like the knife is in the witness’s breadstick, whilst it is actually behind it. In addition, the cut was actually made after the first photograph and before the second. Continue to the third photograph.

It is also taken from a flat angle, as was the second photograph. I’m sure you’re finding something missing in this photograph as well, Your Honor. Where is the index finger’s fingertip?

This illustration explains it all.

While I am… ahem, not the best artist…

(Didn’t I go to art school?)

The index finger is hidden behind the loaf of bread. It is not wrapping around the loaf of bread. This is because…

The witness was making space to put the knife’s handle!

Objection

Are you really that dull, Wright? For a man who majored in art you should be able to recognize a sculpture when you see one.

as we can see from the photos provided, this is quite obviously plastic.

if you look at any photo of real bread it can’t attain that level of shininess, and even if it could.

If you’ll notice in this picture, the bread on the inside is quite shiny, as well.

Tell me, Wright, have you ever seen real bread gleam that much? Don’t answer that, I will.

Even in this high-resolution photograph with bread that thick, it obviously wouldn’t shine on the inside when it isn’t buttered.

And it isn’t too hard to find the item in question with a quick google search.

Oh, and if you will notice, their hand was covering the seam where the bread was taken apart in the first photo with a simple comparison of the pattern on the bread.

It appears your lawyering skills are in much need of some sharpening if you expect to cut me down with that weak objection.

Edgeworth, you’re asking yourself the wrong question. It’s not “is there bread like that…”

You should be asking “can there be bread like that?”

Sweet bread can be infused with sugar or a syrup, making the outsides shinier- and the insides sweeter. Take a look.

Furthermore. there are parts of the witness’s bread knife that don’t just match up with the novelty bread knives you have presented. Take another look.

Let me point out two things about the novelty knives: one, their markings, and two, the placement of the knife itself.

In the novelty knives, the marks are artificial-looking and repeated. That is because they are manufactured. In the witness’s photo, the marks are more natural and realistic- because they are, well, real!

Furthermore, the blades on the novelty knives are in the middle of the handle.

But… look back at the witness’s photo. The knife is to the left? Where is the problem, you ask? Look at this illustration.

Here we have the knife, a piece of bread, and a table. Let’s have a go.

I’m sure you see it now, Your Honor.

The bread knife cannot actually be used to cut bread efficiently! Even if it was tilted, it would be uncomfortable and unbalanced!

The defense has an explanation for this positioning.

The blade is to the left because the witness was holding it behind the piece of bread!

what the actual fuck tumblr

http://cupsnake.tumblr.com/post/56131608792 cupsnake

erraticartist:

cupsnake:

You know what the Green Heron is basically the best heron because it is like 90% neck so when it is all folded down it looks like a giant head with wings and legs

image

but then suddenly ZOOP

image

fucking green herrons

What the fuck

http://haus-of-ill-repute.tumblr.com/post/92295292271 haus-of-ill-repute
http://t-angy.tumblr.com/post/91129423757 t-angy

ratchet-trolls:

t-angy:

t-angy:

what do random people drink from

a stRAWR xD

im in pain 

http://z-v-k.tumblr.com/post/92413320210/please-signal-sexual-harrasser-on-sydney-buses z-v-k

z-v-k:

PLEASE SIGNAL — SEXUAL HARRASSER ON SYDNEY BUSES — TARGETS SCHOOLGIRLS

This is Daniel Cousins. He is a white man in his late 20s / early 30s, brown hair, blue eyes, piercing on left eyebrow, braces. Slurred speech. He usually catches the 314 / 316 / 317 at around 8am from Bondi Junction Interchange and then will spend the entire morning doing a circle of the city by bus, looking for girls to groom. He has reportedly also caught the 376 and the 389. He will sit next to schoolgirls and try to talk to them, get information about them, grab them and pull on their clothing. He will move seats throughout his journey to sit closer to girls. He sometimes sits next to girls traveling alone. I first encountered him about 3 years ago and have since reported him along with over ten people from my school. He has sexually harassed girls before. BEWARE OF THIS CREEP!!! If he sits close to you GET THE FUCK OUT!!! ALERT OTHER GIRLS ON THE BUS!!! He’ll act very shy to make you feel sorry for him DO NOT BE FOOLED!!! Please share this so we can protect each other.

PLEASE FILE A REPORT — If you have encountered this man please make a report to the detective working on this case: Louise Rodden at Maroubra Police Station. We are currently building a case against him.

http://nickelbackthatassup.tumblr.com/post/48909216860/when-i-was-six-i-threw-a-tantrum-because-i-wanted nickelbackthatassup

nickelbackthatassup:

when I was six I threw a tantrum because I wanted a slushie from 711 and I remember my dad said “I will never buy you a slushie” AND LITERALLY RIGHT NOW HE CAME IN THE CAR WITH A SLUSHIE AND I WAS LIKE WHY DIDNT YOU GET ME ONE AND HE LOOKED ME DEAD IN THE EYE AND SAID “REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE SIX”

http://pandaexpressvevo.tumblr.com/post/92378517795/god-bless pandaexpressvevo

pandaexpressvevo:

god bless

http://quinn-fabray.tumblr.com/post/89189488056/tumblr-is-just-so-whipped-when-it-comes-to-natalie quinn-fabray

natallie-dormer:

tumblr is just so whipped when it comes to natalie dormer

http://aurelle.co aurelle.co
"Live in such a way that if someone spoke badly of you, no one would believe it."
Unknown  (via onefitmodel)
http://fuks.tumblr.com/post/64846086453/sail fuks

coolranchdevitos:

waspsbewaremywrathrawr:

fuks:

SAIL

I PRESSED PLAY JUST AS I WAS TAKING A DRINK AND DIET COKE JUST SHOT OUT MY NOSE. I FEEL LIKE I JUST VOMITED

there are so many layers of humor to appreciate here

the disruption of pleasant relaxing music

the word “sail” being yelled slightly off-beat as if the person filming was planning this and got a little eager

the small child’s laughter in the background

the pianist whispering “shit” to himself as if he only dropped an m&m or something

the foot appearing seemingly out of nowhere

the dedicated pianist falling down with his piano

it’s all so beautiful

http://giraffepoliceforce.tumblr.com/post/92182648757 giraffepoliceforce

giraffepoliceforce:

"You can’t just change the race of cultural icons like Captain America! It’s an important part of their identity and message!"

Jesus: Ah yes.

Jesus: Can’t imagine who would do that.

Jesus: What a shame.

http://landorus.com/post/79284349882/lets-have-phone-sex-over-walkie-talkies landorus

rninor:

weepingdildo:

landorus:

lets have phone sex over walkie talkies

"I’ll make you moan, over"

"bend over"
"bend what? over"

http://jailor.tumblr.com/post/77458631052/these-are-my-favourite-dog-pics jailor

jailor:

THESE ARE MY FAVOURITE DOG PICS

http://fortunatemind.tumblr.com/post/82037352146 fortunatemind

fortunatemind:

If youre my girlfriend then there is absolutely no need to get jealous because im probably obsessed with you

http://wattthefisk.tumblr.com/post/85437602591/amazing-cosplays-our-bad-assed-collection-of wattthefisk

pussreboots:

potassiumcyanide:

samaelcarver:

wattthefisk:

Amazing cosplays!

Our bad-assed collection of amazing cosplays!

….HOLD THE FUCK UP!!!!

Is that first one an Assassins Creed version of Captain Jack Sparrow?????

Holy shit these are awesome

Team Rocket!

Titan